Itz Holistically Wholesome

Have you ever been in a place where you are questioning things in your life? Well, recently, I have been overlooking my life, and while I am not at my worst, there are several goals I had hoped to achieve already but haven’t yet. Goals that I consider essential, and worst of all, it appears that life is moving too fast, and I am left wondering when these goals will become a reality. Then the most random realization makes it all make sense.

Let me begin by clarifying that I do not consider myself very brave because I seem to live mostly conservatively throughout my life. I enjoy familiarity very much and am often unwilling to try other things. It could be as simple as what food brand or where I eat. For example, when I was a consumer of flesh food, I refused to buy a chicken sandwich at KFC because Burger King was there for that. Or I only used a brand called Grace for condiments such as ketchup, hot sauce, etc., because I was not willing to try another. I am sure you catch my drift. 

So it was no surprise that I lived all aspects of my life similarly. The funny thing about living that way is that I placed myself in a limited space while expecting limitless results then I feel disappointed and confused about why I am not much further in life or why something did not work. 

Wrestling with self

I have also been hosting many “pity parties,” especially mentally. There are days when I lament over my why’s and why not. I even go as far as trying to rationalize how pretty decent I am as an individual. I thought myself a good and honest Christian woman; indeed, there is always room for improvement but good in the sense of the word. I am faithful to my husband and family, a good mother, love and care for people, and the list of reasoning goes on and on. Yet, with all that, I am still not seeing the fruit of my goodness for want of a better word. 

Additionally, I directed my focus to the word of God to understand this space I find myself in. Indeed, I do not want to seem ungrateful or complain too much, lest I offend the Lord. To make matters worse, I look at how others live selfish lives and do not give two cents about others, yet “everything seems” to be going great for them, and they are “living the good life,” and I cannot help to think how brutally unfair life can be. Something is wrong with this picture, I thought. At that moment, it seems being good does not bear much fruit. 

When I am conflicted with my thoughts, I pray and ask God for guidance because I am fully aware that these emotions will pass at some point. The better part of me screams that there is a purpose that I cannot yet see, but it will become apparent with time. Time? Time is taking mighty long if you asked me, thought my impatient, I WANT EVERYTHING NOW MIND.

Now being a bible believing woman, Abraham, Jacob, and countless others came to my mind to remind me that they had to wait a considerably long time for things to happen. Still, I compared our average life expectancy to theirs and thought it better be sooner than later because they had way more years than we do today.

The Tale of My Blackberry Plant

A couple of days ago, I went out on my deck to check on my little garden growing there. Immediately my eyes were drawn to the blackberry tree, whose fruits were beginning to ripen. I was a bit astonished because they were not ready the day before, and now there were so many ripe ones. About three years ago, I bought that Blackberry plant at Home Depot. It was a wee little thing, and I took it home and planted a 4″ pot in it because, one, I did not have much space to plant it in the ground, and two, I needed to control its growth because when I finally got my country home/farm, it would be easier to transport it. For about two summers, I got maybe about one dozen blackberries each time. Mind you; it had grown more then but not uncontrollably, so all was good. Little did I know that the branches grew and stretched to form new plants when rooted. When I saw that happen, I quickly tucked it into another flower pot, and of course, it rooted and began to bare fruits as

Unbeknownst to me, another branched had grown in and hid behind the deck rail, making its way to the ground without me ever noticing. I only became aware when I saw a full tree sprung up between the small space last summer. I could only shake my head. Now I have a fully grown Blackberry tree with abundant berries this summer.

While I wanted to control the growth of the blackberry tree for a good reason, it was not in its nature to be confined to a small space. It wanted to be free to reach its full potential and bear plenty of fruits. And so, it found a way to break free instead of remaining in that limited space I had it in. And today, it is a whole tree with several branches and bearing more fruits for me. I was stunting its growth.

Then my epiphany occurred; I have been living in a tiny box, fearing to step out to try new things or experience the beauty of change. And maybe, it is time to take that bold step in faith to experience more. Though it may seem scary, change can be just what we need. When we place ourselves in a box, small room, or space, we become stunted like the Blackberry plant and bear very little fruit because there is not enough room to spread our wings to its fullest potential. It is not until we change our circumstances or mindset and let go of the things we have held onto for dear life that our lives will change for the better. We should not allow fear of the unknown to stunt our growth. God promised us a future of hope and great possibilities, but we must first be open-minded and willing to embrace the newness.

It is the same principle when it comes to walking with the Lord. We want to see His promises for us fulfilled and His blessings in our lives, yet we want to be in control and do things our way. At the same time, He is saying that we are holding too much in our hearts and hands and must first let go to make room.

So with all these thoughts in my head, I looked at the blackberry plant and thought, look at you, standing there with your disobedient self, loaded with your sour fruits, and now I cannot carry you to my future farm the way I intended to. But on the other hand, I was so proud to see how it was thriving. Not only did the blackberry tree break free, but the portion in the flower pot withered up and died. How frightening to witness the latter.

Bottomline is, limiting ourselves will only stunt our growth. Unless we are willing to create more room for future opportunities, we will continue to produce minimal results until nothing is left then we wither up and die just the same way as the blackberry plant. So step out of that box and go after your dreams and aspirations. Remember also to invite Jesus on your journey.

God bless!